Never Assume a Southerner is Unarmed

My mother always says this. She even wants a printed bumper sticker with these exact words to put on her car to warn any would be jack-asses or car-jackers to "BACK OFF". I think she should get some of those Yosemite Sam mud flaps to put on her car.....the ones with Sam and his six-shooters that all of the 18-wheelers in Texas seem to have on their back wheels. But seeing as how she drives a gold hyundai, this might not work so well for her.

Although she "doesn't do housework", I decided to knit her a dishtowel. I'm a beginning knitter and can't make much else. She could at least use it to dry her hands if they ever did get wet somehow. My first knitting project!! Given to my dear sweet mother.

It turned out total crap! I couldn't possibly send it to her. I pictured her opening the package, her excitement overflowing...digging in the box .... pulling out the dishtowel. The dishtowel with uneven edges and a million and one dropped stitches. The dishtowel whose dimensions were more that of a dust rag cut randomly from a t-shirt. I pictured her cigarette, her glass of iced tea, her puzzled expression, her ever faithful chihuahua , Jackson, at her side......"what is it?............ a dustrag?.............. a washcloth for the dog? .............. Thank heavens she doesn't live close by or I'd have to display it."

The next time I'd visit I'd find the dishtowel sticking out of the same box I'd mailed it in, thrown somewhere in the corner of one of her closets, covered in dust.

"Mama! Why didn't you use this?"

"Use what? "

"This dishtowel I made for you. It took me 3 weeks to knit this! It's my first knitting project!!!"

"What dishtowel?"

"THIS DISHTOWEL!!!!!!"

"Is that what that is?"

"YES!!!!"

"Well, I didn't know."

The yarn was great! A wonderful cotton yarn I snagged from my friend, Peggy's, "'givin' away" stash. I've now decided to make my mother some socks. At least she can hide those in her shoes.